The ice has frozen over all the windows
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Tori's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005 | | 11:33 am |
| | Thursday, August 11th, 2005 | | 4:49 pm |
well gosh guys, i don't think i'm going to update this anymore. the time i would've spent writing in here i'm going to spend dancing to paul simon, fantasizing about married men, and reading kurt vonnegut. if you want sex advice, or want to know what's going on with me, let's strike up an email relationship. zemph_chick@yahoo.com . or gimmie a call. later folks. | | Monday, August 8th, 2005 | | 10:33 pm |
| | Wednesday, July 20th, 2005 | | 11:04 am |
Okay, everyone who reads this, I mean EVERYONE. I need you to go over to moveon.com and sign the petition against Judge Roberts. He is not good. He said that roe v. wade should be overulled. He worked with Ken Starr! After you sign the petition it is CRUCIAL that you call up your senator and urge him to filibuster, because filibusters are the coolest things ever. DO NOT BELIEVE BILL FRIST!!!! HE IS A LYING DOUCHE! Roberts is no good. Call your congressman too. This is so fucking importaint, you have no fucking clue. Go turn on CNN or c-span, they might be talking about it right this minute. Just do no believe Bill Frist or Bush. DAMN YOU SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR! we are in such deep shit. | | Monday, July 18th, 2005 | | 11:12 pm |
it's so hot in this apartment. i had a very nice day. i watched harvey this morning, very good movie, i love james stewart. then i ran over to the house and went to the park with my dog. i got all dirty and wet playing with her in the pond, we both really smelled, so i walked home again and hosed off in the backyard. then i went upstairs and watched this documentary about the hitler youth on the history channel. i fell asleep and took a nice nap. then i woke up, ate some yogurt, went to dinner with my dad, came home, watched tv and then went over to the laptop. well i doubt anyone cared about all that, but it was a nice day. a dreamy summer day. a day for imaginary friends and swimming in disgusting ponds. three cheers for having a companion some day to join me. | | Sunday, July 17th, 2005 | | 11:18 pm |
tonight i feel brilliant. i feel happy and tragic. there are so many thoughts in my head, the writing down is hard to do in an elequent manor, not to mention my spelling. i've always wondered about being a writer, and if i could actually pull it off. I know I couldn't. It saddens me to think about the things I won't be able to do in this life. It doesn't sadden me to think about all the morons I won't meet, but more all the lovers I could've had. If I were to live like I was going to die tommorow, I would die tommorow. Which is hard. I don't want to die for a very long time. It's too hot in this appartment. Ignorance runs too high in this world. Everything moves too fast. Nothing ever pauses because time is always moving. What a frightening thought. Everyone has days where they look in the mirror and think that they are ugly. Even the ugliest people have someone tell them they are beautiful. So why does it matter what we look like? I feel sick. I feel sick because i may never find what i'm looking for. even if i live 100 years. That I could really be alone for the rest of my life. this is reality. i am thinking about myself. the guilt will never end that i am still here. but what can you do but give up? we are not all as strong. i'm 16 and i'm tired. but i think it's just because it's 11:40. tommorow i'll wake up, sexed up and ready to fight another lost cause. but just because we're all ready doesn't mean we get off our ass. | | 12:56 pm |
ahhhhhh harry potter! i finished! someone call me! someone please finish quickly, i neeeeeeed to talk to someone about the ending. and what's going to happen next. aahhehghgrojhaflkjf;alwjefawls. bugger. | | Saturday, July 16th, 2005 | | 2:27 pm |
i'm rockin out in harry potter bliss! i ended up not going to the cape, things just got to complicated. we still had an awsome time last night, and my day is looking very good. harry potter all day long, then charlie and the chocolate factory then more harry potter. mmm. so good. | | Thursday, July 14th, 2005 | | 11:35 am |
i am a seriously messed up kid. but not really. my dreams have been incredibly bizzare and vivid of late. it's like i'm living a double life. when i go to bed, weird shit happens. ha, like when the sheriff tells cooper "i would think you'd be afraid to go to sleep at night". things are just weird in general these days. i'm feeling weird. | | Monday, July 11th, 2005 | | 10:57 pm |
the internet is driving me crazy. to everyone i was talking to, i'm sorry, i crashed. i was probably weirding everyone out anyway. I was watching American Beauty, and Kevin Spacey jacked off a lot which somehow made me really horney. my mom's with the poker group in the other room. they go to the bathroom a lot but none of them pay attention to me, sitting on the couch, right next to the bathroom. I'm not sure why this is. Evan's dad always stops and talks to me for like 15 minutes, but he's not here (evan you never called me back!). But kate did call me back so it's all good. at midnight i'm going to make a call to a very lucky guy. in this state, i'd say anyone who comes in contact with me is lucky. i ment that like state of mind, not massachusetts. my mind is racing. i'm writing a play, but it's much too dirty to put in here. i might offend someone. you wouldn't want that. i feel like a sex god. i think my head might explode. i can barely focus. okay, lucky man, on the phone. later y'all. | | Sunday, July 10th, 2005 | | 10:25 pm |
I'm at my dad's where there's no airconditioning. it's hot and nice music is playing. I can see boston, the lights shimmering. The bugs coat corners and lights. I don't know how they get in, but they do. They're not bothering me. Flashbacks from photos and clutter on my dad's desk. I havn't checked my cellphone in a couple times, I wonder who's called. i wonder how different i am. i wonder how free. i wonder if i'll be this sexual forever. I kinda hope so. | | Friday, July 8th, 2005 | | 10:29 pm |
have you ever tasted reality? well i have. i've seen this all work, up close and personal. i'm begining to comprehend how complex our world is, and how everything can't be solved by pretty words. The sad truth is romantics never get anything done. I won't sit around and debate who is a real pirate, infact I don't really feel like sitting around and debating anything. We're at a stand still. Ignorance is not something forgien, and anyone who thinks they have saved themselves from this disease by being well informed or taking a stand is wrong. Dead wrong. We are all victims here, just as each one of us is a killer. The blood of the world is on everyone's hands. This isn't about your stupid liberal jokes, or your fucking gun rights, or how long you stood protesting in the rain. This isn't about drugs or how much 60's music you listen to. It isn't about your education, or about your fucking snot faced opinions about who gets to die. We all live in a cloud. Not just America. Not just George W. Bush. Every single one of us who sits around here thinking that we know something. Well you don't know shit. Because the truth is we're all the same. Every human being. This is about throwing your hate away. This is about lowering your guard. This is about learning that everything you know could be wrong. This is about America and this is about the world. We're all here for a reason. You were born with physical freedom for a reason. Our president and his regiem are not our government, and our government is not our country. I can say now that through the guilt and the shame I love America. You go stand at Lincoln's feet and tell me you don't. Someone saw something. This is our chance to be different. This is our chance to break the patterns of history and make our country something better than an empire. We must grow up to stand up and stand up together, because love will bring us through. By being born on this earth you were given the oppertunity to change it. So do something. Get off your ass and scream. Get off your ass and make love to someone just because you are alive and they're human, just like you. Stop talking and start moving, start writing, start kissing republicans and commies alike, because living is something we all do. I feel so trapped sometimes. Like, what the hell am I supposed to do? I live in suburbia, it's the law I go to school everyday, and I like school. So I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to stay in school. I'm going to grow up. I'm going to work and travel and go to more school. I stopped caring about fitting or not fitting some stupid mold. Everyone from the far far right to the anarchists told me I had to do something about this stupid mold. Fuck it. Fuck everyone. This is not about society. This is about you. This is about your mind. This is about freedom. Let it all go. Let the tears run and the laughter ring and let our voices be heard by the ears of God himself because someday we will all be free. You just have to open your eyes and your heart and love your neighbor. Love him no matter who he is. Let things go from there. This isn't a phase, this is life, and life is too short. These are just romantic words, and I am just a hypocrite. But what are we to do? I'm just going to keep talking and keep going back to washington and keep making people happy and keep learning. I'm going to do the best I can. Can you say the same? | | Wednesday, July 6th, 2005 | | 7:20 pm |
it's something about wanting to get married in cowboy boots with a christine curl in my hair i always want to rewrite the ending to fall in love with the perfect scare maybe i'm too lost in myself maybe i've almost jumped too many times maybe i'm too worried for the future but i hope i just need more patience | | 1:29 pm |
so my internet has gone totally wonky. this is why i leave in the middle of aim conversations and can't get anything done online. please forgive me and call if you wish to talk to me. | | Monday, July 4th, 2005 | | 11:41 am |
happy fourth! america really is beautiful. despite everything. for the first time in a while i'm really feeling the love for the american flag. | | Thursday, June 30th, 2005 | | 8:19 pm |
hey, still alive. I'm coming home on saturday. It's been so much fun and I really don't want to leave. It seems way too short. Life feels too slow and without purpose at home. I feel the edges of darkness waiting to pounce and I'm not sure what it will take to stop it. Something I suppose. Here everything is so importaint and fast, I'm something special, genuine. Life's too short. Home is reality. Home is the reality that I don't really have a home anymore. Home is therepy and working out with my mom. Home is crying. I didn't think the whole concept was so delicate untill it was smashed against the wall like an egg. Atleast there will be no more homophobics. I've told three people my sexuality. That's how people are here. Think of me at home. I can't tell people here. I was also starstruck for the first time in my entire life. I honestly couldn't say anything. I blushed and stuttered. Something fantastic I can tell you that. I'm also really sick of guys who only like preppy blonds. The do exsist. Teenagers are stupid in reality. CSW is not reality. I mean, people are stupid there too, but not this ignoraint. Not this....blond, so conventional. So turned on by conventional beauty. To them I am ugly. To the average I am ugly. How sick is that? I know it's the truth. I know I am pretty, but I'll never be pretty like them. I wouldn't mind so much, with the exception that some men are blinded by their normalness and will never lust after me like they do them. I feel very very sheltered. Here, I am the sheltered one. Sheltered from the real world, real people our age. The real sickness media and government has spread. But I still don't want to go home. I don't want to go. I really don't want to go home. Because who wants to go to a broken place? | | Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005 | | 6:28 pm |
my body's kinda achey. things are really good here. it's fun being so close to all this stuff that's happening. i'm listening to old sheryl crow. the weather's sticky. this is such a picture of summer. i'm having a hard time stopping and reflecting because things are a little busy. i had a moment the other day. it's amazing what a cocky boy can do. don't worry, dedicated admirers, the thing about cocky boys is they take very little intrest in me, but it's still entertaining for those omigosh my heart skipped a beat moments. the crazy blushing giggly moments. it's been so long. | | Sunday, June 19th, 2005 | | 4:41 pm |
okay, a couple notes, 1.If I have promised dancing (sexual) lessons to anybody, and you still want me to teach you, you must go rent dirty dancing right now. the patrick swayze version. Watch his hips. Spend serious time in the mirror trying to make your hips go like his. 2. Kissing. Go rent Brazil, watch the kissing scene and note hesitation. Note sexual tension. Remember what touch and then absent touch can do. 3. Eye contact. Everything is about eye contact. All the time. 4. Become comfortable with the same sex. They are your friends. Their bodies are your friends. Their lips, their tounges, their groins, they are all your best friends and you should cherish them. 5. Fantasy. Pray to your Lord. Masterbate to your Sex God. | | 3:10 pm |
sitting around on a sunday afternoon. it doesn't feel like summer, because i'm working 9-5 every day. D.C. is a wonderful place though. We went to Georgetown the other day to go see Batman (very entertaining, christian bale woo woo!) and it's just a gorgeous place. There is seriously not very much romantic potential with anyone here, but it's okay because I don't have the time anyway. Still, the summer has potential. There are american flags everywhere around here. | | Thursday, June 16th, 2005 | | 8:37 pm |
okay, for my entertainment what is the most memorable sexual experience you've had with me? conversations, demonstrations, photoshoots, which one was your favorite? What do you want to happen next? I must say, in a very intriguing way that i've got plans for some of you. bwahahaaaaaaa. |
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